“When I am silent I have thunder hidden inside.”
“When I am silent I have thunder hidden inside.”-Rumi
This quote spoke so deeply to me when I saw it last week. I have struggled the last few weeks with finding the words for what I am feeling right now, and finding words in general. People closest to me know that when I am silent usually there is thunder inside of me, because I am known for speaking truth, and for many years I would let my words out without discernment and burn everyone and everything in my path. I did not know how to wield my sword of truth with love and precision. After many years of deep inner work, I have the ability to discern if my words are coming from ego-the need to be right, the need to cut someone to the bone, and the need to let out my rage, or if my words are coming from a deep place of love and only spoken from that place. And so I remain quiet, I continue to listen, I choose not to react. That doesn't mean I am doing nothing, I am doing a lot of somethings, and I do not feel the need to scream it from the rooftops. But how they emerge and what impact I choose to make in my work is going to be something that is sustainable for the long term, not just a knee-jerk reaction to what is happening in the world. Because I am in this for the marathon not the sprint, and the best way I can do that is to keep my energetic (time and financial) resources as potent as possible. And because to be truthful I don't know yet what I am doing. I am sitting in curiosity and a lot is coming but it is not ready to be brought forward yet, some things are big, and I am still in a learning process. As I have been watching, listening, learning I came across a few memes that spoke to where I am right now, and also knowing with the Summer Solstice approaching, the fire is being lit. I will share them here, you may have seen them, and they may have resonated for you.
Back in January when I decided I would be taking time off to write my book my Spiritual Mentor also asked me what I would be learning this year. At the time I said NOTHING, I am keeping it simple. I knew it wasn't true when the words left my mouth. I just had no idea how much I would be learning....besides taking a few courses in deepening my knowledge on working with own and others' archetypes and learning more about myself and how I operate who knew that there would be a pandemic, and that the death of George Floyd would be the catalyst for the uprising of our Brothers and Sisters of Color, a long overdue one. And something I should have been paying attention to, long before this moment. (And maybe one day I will tell my stories of the dance between racism and anti-racism, my upbringing, and my lineage but right now this is not about me, and so I am listening and LEARNING, and unpacking). But I am not going to lie all of this learning, un-learning, and listening is difficult for someone whose mission is to make an impact, and who has a strong Teacher/Mentor archetype. It is a real struggle for me to NOT be out in the world teaching, or being a Messenger...another strong archetype. Which is why I am writing a book, it is just taking a monumental act of patience to create a message that is not as immediate as my messages usually are.
But as the meme above says, I am not going to react just to react, I am not going to put something out there quickly just to say I did. And I am likely not going to throw stuff on the calendar that I have done in the past because except for one or two things it just doesn't seem relevant or potent to these times. I am preserving what was potent, and dreaming into the next..and dreaming into the long term and the sustainable. Things that are sustained beyond the physical space in the studio. The pandemic had me take a long, hard look at the dream I realized at Amused Woman Studios as a place for women to come together in physical space and the potency of that. For right now, that is going to look different and I don't know how, but I also know my work doesn't rely on a physical space and that I won't be there forever. I am not going anywhere yet, I have a few years on the lease. But I had to look at how much I was "using" the studio as the foundation, when the truth is I am the foundation. How things will emerge there and with how many women I can gather comfortably and sustainably remains to be seen. The next version of this dream is beginning to be lit on fire as we approach the Summer Solstice, and it is big, and it will take some time to research and bring into form, and by time I mean it could be a year or two, maybe more.
All that has happened this year has been a catalyst for me to step more and more deeply into my work, even if it is not visible yet. I am getting impatient I really am. But every single day I ask the Divine to show me, use me as a vessel, give me a sign. For right now, she said please release the need to do something now, the fear of paying rent with no income, keep DOING your inner work and your practice, sustain your energy, write the book, and THEN you will be ready to catalyze the new idea, and it will bring you into the threshold of the next version of your work and life (which I have known will be a transition in 22/23 when my son graduates high school and my lease is up).
With all that said, I will be doing some things (or bringing some things back) in the shorter term, and I always remain open to the possibilities and what can happen in any given moment. With the energy of the Solstice things will; I am certain be illuminated. I will likely be in the Mountains for the Solstice (which is also the New Moon) and I am considering offering a New Moon Circle live in my FB group. I am also developing an Inner Inquiries Journal challenge to begin on July 20th. More details to come on that. And as we approach September there will be some small group offerings at the studio, and some online that are in development. With all that is happening in the world, and me sitting with how to respond I was reminded of what my "lane" is, and I am most potent staying in it.
My lanes are and always have been providing heart based Wise Spiritual Council, using art and story as activism, and creating communities, which includes connections and resources where I can. Including resources to other wisdom teachers and healers that work in the realms that are not mine to do. (Below you will see some links to People of Color that I have been learning from as well as, an amazing local healer and energy worker that I recommend getting a session from, so you can sustain yourself). I would love to be using the studio to build deeper communities but I have to wait until we feel safe enough to gather in larger groups.
So my questions for you as we approach this Solstice.
What support to do you need?
How have you been sustaining yourself through this collective upheaval?
What are you learning about yourself, about the world?
What fire within you is lighting up?
What wants to emerge from the Summer Solstice to Harvest time in August/September?
When you listen to your heart what is it saying?
I love you all deeply, I am holding you all in my heart. Blessed Solstice.
Love and Light,
Dina
Here are some links to some amazing offerings from People of Color that I have been learning from.
Eclipsing Injustice (Three sessions, one is a replay, two more are upcoming) Led by Priestess Lettie Sullivan and other guests. https://priestesspresence.com/eclipsing-injustice/
Resmaa Menakem Book and Complimentary Course on Racialized Trauma in the Body and Somatic Healing https://www.resmaa.com/books
Catrice M Jackson- https://www.shetalkswetalk.com
Energy Healer local to Denver- also works remote. She is fabulous on assisting in sustaining us and maintaining our frequency. Dena Gould Light of Mine. https://www.lightofmine.org